I am not very good at napping in general. My head is always full of stories, new crochet patterns, and things to do. The one exception however is TV. Put a blanket on me, turn on a movie, and I am out like a light. If there is someone sitting next to me that I can curl up next to, it is even better!
Although this seems perfectly normal to the rest of you Old People out there, youngsters now-a-days just don't seem to get it. I have even had people poke me back awake! But don't worry, here is how you can appear to be like the other kiddos and enjoy a movie, while you actually enjoy nice, long, nap...
- Get into a position where it is difficult for others to see if your eyes are shut. The best, and most comfortable, way to accomplish this is to lean against someones shoulder. That way if they get curious and lean over to see if you are awake, their movement will jerk you awake and you can pretend like you were watching the whole time!
- Master the art of "Doze-ing" By far the most powerful tool in an Old Person's arsenal is doze-ing! Don't fall into a heavy sleep. Rather take short little cat naps, 3-5 during the course of a movie is usually best, so that you can catch short bits of the movie. Although for a beginner Old Person this can prove difficult, it is necessary to progress to step 3.
- Interject Comments There may be some doubts as to whether or not you were awake for the movie. The bit of drool on the shirt sleeve you were leaning against, the subtle sound of snoring during the movie and frequent yawns may lead people to believe that you fell asleep. Use the information that you learned inbettween your cat naps to silence these kinds of accusations and suspicions. Comments like "Wow that battle scene was really loud it almost woke..... I mean... The battle was really impressive!" should generally be avoided as well as specific questions about characters and plot developments...
These steps don't always need to be followed. On rare occasions you will find similar old souls who happen to be better at staying awake then you. These make great movie watching companions because while you are sleeping they tuck you in, or bring a foot stool around and prop your feet up. After the movie is finished they don't ask any questions but rather play along with the deception that you were awake the whole time.
Thanks for reading this weeks lesson on "How to be an Old Person
", and I hope you stop by for next weeks lesson entitled "Crocheting in Public..."